"Normal"

I thrive on routine and what's "normal" for me right then. I couldn't function without it. Maybe it's the anxiety, the DRAD, both, or neither, but without consistency or when my "normal" is upset, I get extremely, edgy, frazzled, and upset myself. Definitely not a go-with-the-flow gal here! I've realized though that because I thrive on what's "normal" for me right then, I often don't realize how much I'm missing because I've accustomed myself to being without.

Today I spent time with my adopted family. First two of their daughters took me in, then a third, then another, then their son, and finally the last two little girls, leaving the parents not much choice lol. I lived with them almost an entire summer and bonded even further then. They (especially the kids) have been so good to me and given me a place to go when I needed one and I love them so much, as if they were my own family related by blood, but because I'm away at school so much and it's a bit of a drive to their house from my parents', we don't get to see each other very often anymore. Since being apart is what I'm used to, I don't realize how much I truely love and miss each and every one of them until I return, upsetting the balance once again.

I've discovered that college is a turning point in many ways but it was in one particular way that I never expected before I entered it - it marks the time when having two lives starts. When you go off to college, you have your life there with those friends and that family and then your life back home with old friends and family and then once you graduate and get married and have kids of your own, you have your family with your husband (or wife) and kids and then the family with your parents; you never have just one, all-encompassing life ever again. Consequently, you also give up ever being able to be with everyone you love at once. When at home, you miss your friends at school, roommates, etc. and when at school you miss your friends back home, parents, grandparents, etc. It's like you can't win!

I hope this helps me realize that, while I can't help me need for "normal", I need to work twice as hard to remember what those people that "normal" has gone mean to me and be thankful for them twice as often because though we may not see each other as much as we'd like, they are a part of me and I love them with all I have.