Keep holding on

My life is like a rollercoaster these days. With everything going on in my life, my moods and everything change hourly. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed, especially after having to be at school everyday pretending everything is okay, I just meltdown. I curl up on the bed and call someone and just cry. I just feel trapped at home. My parents don't understand and my dad doesn't really care. He doesn't pay enough attention to me to know anything about me anyway and frankly I like it that way. The less amount of time we have to spend together, the better. I'm about to cave. I just don't know how much longer I can do this. Why can't I be real? Why do I feel the need to keep pretending? Do I want him to change? Do I want to work on the relationship? Do I even have any hope of him changing? I don't know, I don't know, I don't know! I'm so pressurized with emotion and thoughts that I can't process everything. I'm going on overload. I don't know what I want or think or even feel anymore sometimes. I want it to stop. I want to have a normal family. None of this is fair. God didn't intend for things to be this way when He created the world. my subconscious and my emotions are all skewed and messed up, which I'm sure is a great deal of the problem.
It's a daily struggle sometimes to just keep on trucking through life. Some days everything is so hard and messy and feels so hopeless, I just want to take a vaca from my life. I wonder how much longer I can keep going.
I just have to keep telling myself to keep holding on because there is an end, I just can't see it right now and there are so many people working to help me and that love me so much that it hurts them almost as much to watch me go through this as it does for me to go through it.
Some days, you just gotta live it one day at a time...