Trust No One

Those of you who know me very well at all, probably know trust is one of the things I struggle with the most is trust. Of course there are exceptions but with most people, it takes me a very long time to trust people and they have to prove to me that I can trust them (sometimes all that means is not majorly screwing up or listening to me without judging, ect.) and if that trust is broken, it takes a lot to get it back. I'm a once bitten, twice shot kinda gal and it muliplies - when bitten once, shot twice, but when bitten twice, shot 4 times, and on it goes. I tend to keep myself for trusting people because I've been burned so many times before, I'm afraid of trusting them, and then it having been misplaced. After something that happened today, I've realized more about this nature. Someone who has not proven to be very reliable, I placed my trust in yet again, sure, in light of recent events, that this time would be different...and it wasn't. I was stood up again. Was there a good excuse? Yes. Was it something done on purpose? No. Does that change what it meant to me and how it made me feel? Absolutely not. In a way, this was her chance to prove to me that her word was good and she would really do what she said and she blew it. Will I give her another chance? Absolutely because I love her BUT I've learned that I may give a lot of chances but the more that are wasted, the harder it is for that person to gain my trust the next time and the harder it is for me to decide to risk my heart again by giving them that next chance. By no means was this a win-all, lose-all, but it was a huge checkpoint and she blew it. Now I'm left to sit here, mentally kicking myself for thinking this time would be different. Did I have good cause to think that? Absolutely. Does that take any of the hurt away? Not at all. I'm afraid, if this goes on much longer, I'll hit a point where I ask myself that question "do I want to risk it again?" and I'll answer "no. I can't. Not again." I afraid if I get burned too many more times I'll stop trusting altogether or it'll get even harder for anyone. I mean, anyone will only let themselves be struck down a certain number of times before they just give up and stop trying.