Point of no return

I feel so stupid. How could I have thought things would be like they used to be? Why did I think I'd find the same person I left 9 years ago? How could I be so naive? I don't even know him anymore. He's barely recognizable. Drugs, drinking, smoking, filthy language; what happened to the little boy who used to be one of my very best friends? What happened to my cohort in all adventures and uncharted territory? Where is the boy who gave me my first beanie baby and helped get me into pokemon? I feel like I've lost him all over again. It hurts so bad. I'm so angry. Maybe if my uncle hadn't given up and gotten divorced from Sam's mom...maybe neither of them would be in such a hole. Even at just 8 years old, I was so angry and hurt that he did that. Even as a little girl, I still knew I'd lost my best friend and I understood why. I remember then being so upset that they had done this to everyone without any thought to any of us besides themselves. I've wanted to badly since that day to have them both back but sitting here today, I almost wish I never knew. They say the truth hurts and I can say for certain that sometimes it really does. I might see Sam again through myspace and be able to contact him if I wish, but my best friend is still gone and now I know that he is never coming back.