Relationships

Watching my sisters and close friends go through some tough stuff with relationships lately, it's really gotten me thinking. I hate seeing them go through things like this, especially when I feel so helpless, but I'm really learning alot. I made a commitment back in Jan. that I wouldn't date until either the beginning or end of my 2nd semester in my freshamn year of college. I did this for a couple of reasons. One is because I decided I didn't need the pressure of dating in high school, especially because guys aren't mature in high school anyway and I know there's already someone out there just for me, so what does it matter when I start dating? I'll find him when I'm supposed to either way. The other main reason has something to do with that last comment: it's kind of my way of trusting in God's plan. Almost an experiment I guess, but not really...I dunno. Anyway, in spite of all this logical reasoning, the teenage girl in me still sometimes wants a relationship, but, as one of my sisters put it once, "I'm in love with the idea of being in love", which pretty much sums it up. I can't wait to find that one special guy one day. I already love him so much...I can't really discribe it. One of my sisters is already happily married, so I look at her and go wow, that looks so wonderful and then I look at my oldest sister who just got out of a sort-of-kind-of-not-really relationship that didn't end well on her part and then my other sister who, well, her story is complicated at the moment, that's all I'm going to say for now. One of my big things on relationships I've found it that I'm scared, on so many levels, of different things. I'm scared that I'll end up like my mom and the husband I end up with for the rest of my life won't be the same man I married. I don't trust guys like at all, so just the thought of having to trust someone so much is terrifying, no matter how much I want it. I don't know...it's just all so complicated and confusing right now and I think I really made the right choice for me as far as relationships go in setting a boundary for myself as to when I'll start dating and all of that, just because I think I'll end up with less heartbreak that way and less pointless guys that end up being a total waste of my time and affection...at least, I hope...